Prejudice, Confession, Empathy

Yesterday evening, I was excited to watch a live video of the 90th birthday celebration of His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama. His wise and compassionate teachings have encouraged me over many years. I am grateful to have been with him in person on two occasions and to hear his teachings. Many years ago, I went to Dharamshala in India where he lives, but he was not there at the time. His image is on my altar, so I think of him everyday.

I was shocked and saddened when someone I love and respect told me that six years ago, the Dalai Lama said in an interview that if his successor were female she would need to be attractive. He later apologized for any offense caused by the remark, stating he did not intend to cause harm and was simply joking.

The person who told me about this was very angry about the Dalai Lama’s remarks. We talked about how all of the historical religions are patriarchal and led by men and about the longstanding male dominance in our cultures and institutions. This set me reflecting concerning my own mind and behavior. Where do I lean toward prejudices and biases that could or do harm others?

I often write about the need to overcome racial, ethnic, religious, gender, life style, ideological, class, and other prejudices and to care for all beings everywhere. But what do my own tendencies and actions actually demonstrate? Where do my biases show up? How can or do they hurt others? And what do I need to do about them?

Well, this reflection is a spiritual exercise of confronting and confessing deep seated images, feelings, and thoughts. What am I learning?

In my home as a child, I saw that my father was usually in charge of decision making. In my life, I have championed women’s rights and gender equality during university, with the UN, and now as a writer. But, I do notice that sometimes I feel that as a male I have a certain authority. This is a type of egotism, thinking that being male makes me special and powerful. I have to work to let go of that, continue to water the seeds of equality and fairness in my mind, and to care for all beings.

As a child, I knew that people of color were not allowed to live in our small Oklahoma town. I marched for civil rights during and after my university days, lived and worked in an African American ghetto in Chicago, promoted racial equality in the UN, and now as a writer. But, I do notice that sometimes I feel that as a white person I have a certain privilege and authority. This is a type of egotism, thinking that being white makes me special and powerful. I have to work to let go of that, continue to water the seeds of equality and fairness, and to care for all beings.

As a child, I was taught, and lived with many people who also believed, that Christianity was the only true religion. I then encountered demythologized Christianity and discovered its secular message of humanness, studied Buddhism and continue to practice mindfulness and compassion, met Hindus, Muslims, and Jews who were good people, and learned that each religion has wisdom about how to be a loving human being.

But, I do notice that sometimes I feel that Buddhism has the clearest messages about life and the most effective practices for living with understanding and compassion. This is a type of egotism, thinking that practicing mindfulness and compassion makes me special and powerful. I have to work to let go of that, continue to water the seeds of equality and respect, and to care for all beings.

I also realize that I am sometimes biased against millionaires and billionaires who seem to care only about themselves. And I am also biased against racists, misogynists, Christian nationalists, and MAGA folks. This is a type of egotism, believing that what I believe makes me special and good. I have to work to let go of that, continue to water the seeds of equality in my mind, and to care for all beings.

Happy birthday, your Holiness! May you live many more years, teaching understanding and compassionate action to care for all beings everywhere.