Our Actions

the ground upon which we stand

I am tired, but not just because I am eighty. For the past several days, I have been taking care of my beloved wife after a heart ablation. Gratefully, the procedure stopped her rapid, irregular heart beat (atrial fibrillation), and her heart is back in regular rhythm (sinus). It will be a few months, however, before we know the long term results.

Over the past several months, I have been so worried about her, and am now focused on her recovery and her health and happiness. I am not used to being a caregiver from morning until night. I have been preparing meals for the two of us and our dog and cat, washing dishes, cleaning the kitchen, washing and folding clothes, driving back and forth to medical centers and drug stores, and more. My kind son has helped us some, but I am on the front line.

During the past several days, I have not written on social media or Substack, my usual, daily activities. I am not a good cook, but am trying my best, although I get frustrated. My mind returns to the upcoming election, the need to get out the vote, the uncertain future of democratic governance, the dangers of climate change, and the urgency of its mitigation and adaptation. My caregiving distracts me from my usual patterns of thinking, reflecting, and writing.

As you may recall, these Compassionate Conversations deal with individual, societal, and ecological suffering, and how practices of mindfulness and compassionate action can help relieve that suffering. So here I am writing to you about this current reality. I am sure that many of you have been caregivers for loved ones for long or short periods of time.

As I try to care for my wife, I find that I must also care for myself. I sometimes experience anger, frustration, depression, or impatience in this situation. I must stop, become aware of my breathing, accept the present moment, and care for my body-mind by walking twice daily, meditating and chanting, reading, writing in my journal daily, eating healthy food, getting eight hours of sleep, drinking plenty of water, and spending time with the kids and grandkids.

Our seventeenth anniversary was yesterday. We celebrated quietly in our home.

I am deeply grateful for this precious person. She is so creative, brilliant, and caring. I am so grateful for the gift of living with her and caring for her. Sometimes, I recall my beloved first wife who died twenty-one years ago from cancer at the age of sixty and after thirty-five years of marriage.

I recall The Five Remembrances: I am of the nature to grow old; there is no way to escape growing old. I am of the nature to have ill health; there is no way to escape ill health. I am of the nature to die; there is no way to escape death. All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change; there is no way to escape being separated from them. My actions are my only true belongings; my actions are the ground upon which I stand.

I am grateful for my lifetime of actions around the world of being a student and campus activist, helping develop poor communities, being a husband and a father, facilitating organizational change events, being a friend, creating urban development programs and policies, teaching innovative leadership to grad students, giving speeches on climate change, being a grandfather, writing books, being an elder activist, creating videos and podcasts, writing essays, and being a caregiver.

May my actions care for my wife, other family members and friends, my body-mind, human society, and this living planet of which we are part. Let’s vote and get out the vote. Let’s promote and embody ecological regeneration, democratic governance, and social justice and compassion for all.

May BMT live a long time! May she be healthy and happy. May I be healthy and happy. May all beings everywhere be happy and healthy. May it be so.